Thursday, 18 March 2010

womens work

Just watching a programme on feminism and if women consider themselves to be a feminist.
The women interviewed were asked about their roles and the working ones, full or part time, did more or less all the chores or employed someone to do it!

This has been a massive bone of contention with me for years! Why should the woman in the house do everything? I know it's not like that in all houses but the majority of people I know are the same. The women just do not stop.

Men, apparently don't see what we see. They don't see the dirt and the need for cleaning or that a skirt needs mending or the lawn needs mowing. Surely if you both work then equal resposibility should be taken within the house, without having to ask?????

I know my other half is more than capable of making the place tidier and cleaner than I could ever do so why did i have to nag nag nag to get anything done?

I have to work, I have no choice but I have to work nights because the other halves shifts do not permit me to work day shifts and if I get a day job (monday to friday 9-5) it's me that co-ordinates and pays for the child care. Yet the man just gets up, has a coffee, goes to work then comes home. And does whatever he wants to do. No house work, no chores......

I do feel very lucky I can earn what I earn and have time off too. I love my free time. Something my other half does not get at all. He's always at work. I can go to the gym, meet friends, sleep, watch TV. How good is that? The trade off being I have to sleep sparodically and stay awake 2 or 3 times a week all night. Then the next day i feel like dog meat and am tired beyond belief, ratty, grumpy, tearful.

And if the place is a shite hole, my other half does not ever complain, neither does he do anything about it. And ocassionally I have a blow out and go mental about everything. Things improve for a while then back to square one.

Do I lower my standards? My expectations?

But would I be a stay at home Mum? Never in a million years! In the school holidays I'm under house arrest and cannot go anywhere while my child plays with her friends. In and out the house and when I want to go and run some errands I have to drag her along moaning and groaning.

I love being at home though. I'm a homely bird. To go out to work everyday would be my idea of hell but then dragging my way through an 11 hour night shift 2 or 3 times a week is also hell.

I grew up with Mum being a Mum and Dad being a Dad so i have ideals that a man should be able to look after the family and fix things and mum is the one you go to with ills and poorlys. But equally I want him to know which drawer her school clothes go in and where the plasters are. And I can change a plug and paint a wall and fix things. And I don't mind doing it either.

I do want to be looked after but equally I would look after him if he looked after me. Made me feel safe and secure and loved. I would make him feel loved and cared for and appreciated.

It's a division of tasks these days so both can sit down at the end of the evening with a glass of wine and not resent things not being done. The child care is a division and so is the school run. If he is able to do it he does it, otherwise i do it much of the time. But it's nice to have a break.

Things have changed for us dramamtically and I hope it will last into the future for a long time. I want us to be equal. A team. He's good at some things and i'm good at others. But I want him to be the man and me be girly. Is that possible?

I can survive on my own but it was hard work. Less stressful in some aspects because I had everything the way I wanted it an dnot have to pick up after a man. But then I had no-one to talk to at night. No-one to share the burden. No-one to help me out when my daughter was being a nightmare. No-one to just take the strain.

I found that really tough. Picking up his smalls is a small price to pay!

If we ever did the child thing again then I would give him a shot a being the stay at home parent. Having lived through it, it's had it's good points and I have enjoyed it but now it's time for change........

and what is it with men who 'work from home' who can't fetch the children from school because they are 'at work'??? would a women do that? er nope.

1 comment:

l'optimiste said...

so funny - love this post. My other half is also blind to dirt, dust, and in particular - peanuts!! grr - but it's funny!